I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
