so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
