2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
