Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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