long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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