bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
