we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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