I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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