his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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