I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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