You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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