You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
