I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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