I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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