apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
