I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I wear drunk well.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
