I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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