to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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