Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
