i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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