I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
