Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I have demons in me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
