Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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