you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
