My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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