he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
