ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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