I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
