it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
