from now on my penis is your penis
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
