Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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