ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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