if you like me you must not know who I am
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
