I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
