Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
