we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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