i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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