so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you never un-have a 4some
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
