the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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