i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
