So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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