Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
