I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
