I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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