you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
