Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
