I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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