I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
