FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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