well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
