Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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