We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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