When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
