Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
