what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
