I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
