you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
