8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
