Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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