so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize