I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize