Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize