I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
