I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We named our party play list daddy issues
where does the pee come out of this thing
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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