why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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