I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
