ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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